BREAKING: New “True” Internet Facts About J.K. Rowling Surface

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Many have recently wondered why J. K. Rowling, Harry Potter series author and prolific auto-retconner, has recently made so many anachronistic “feminist” statements about the transgender community. Not only does her writing and comments about transgender persons fall short of the standards of emergent fourth-wave feminism, but they also fall outside of established third-wave norms — the wave which saw the expansion of feminist discourse to include people of colour, black, queer, and even trans perspectives. Rowling’s writing on the topic more and more seem to conform to fringe second-wave radical feminist ideas about gender and sex essentialism — a form of feminism dominated by over-privileged middle-class white women. Some sources have stepped forward to suggest that this might be because she is a reptoid. These long-lost reptile-like humanoids are known to crawl out of caverns which lead up from the hollow earth — being holdovers of saurian evolution. Experts claim that Rowling’s ideas about static and essential gender are to cover her own mutable memetic human shapeshifting — essentially a distraction strategy to hide her true reptilian form. However, a new, and perhaps more plausible explanation has just emerged.

One academic recently posited the theory that J. K. Rowling is in fact 77-year-old ur transphobe Janice Raymond (founder of the peripheral movement called transgender exclusionary radical feminism, or TERFs). It has been suggested that Rowling, i.e Raymond, has been harvesting the brain-blood plasma of middle-age millennial Harry Potter fans reported missing after attending the play “Harry Potter and the Cursed Child” in 2017 in the greater London metro area. This blood, sources claim, has mildly de-aged Raymond into Rowling. Other seemingly convincing evidence that Rowling is in fact Raymond include the fact that they share the same initials (J. R.), and Rowling’s ideas on transgender people are essentially copied and pasted from Raymond’s long-defunct 1979 text “The Transsexual Empire.” Our academic source notes that since early trans studies super-star Sandy Stone disproved the nonsense aforementioned text as anti-feminist moaning in the late 80s, only Raymond, perhaps disguised as Rowling, could resuscitate such ridiculous ideas. Of course, more research will have to be conducted in order to determine which allegation is correct.

Update: Since this story broke, this platform has become aware that QAnon is now looking into these allegations, suspecting that Rowling may be only one of a multitude of brain-plasma-drinking elites who represent the UK’s version of the Deep State.

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